The Superwoman Complex

Now, before I start, I should make a disclaimer that this could be titled the “Superman Complex” as well.  I, however, am a woman and have no idea how the male brain works.  Appropriately then, I will title it “The Superwoman Complex”, not because I know how each and every woman’s brain works, but because I know, as a woman, this is how my brain works.  And to write from experience is the most authentic and genuine I can be.  That being said, I have no doubt that men quite possibly struggle with this very same thing, so feel free to keep reading.

I often feel as though I am not enough unless I am consistently active.  It is not enough for me to simply wake up, go to my classes, do my homework and be done for the day.  No, every minute of my time must be scheduled or I am not being productive.  I am not accomplishing if I am not busy.  Perhaps I am not the only woman who feels this way: who feels as though she will not grow up to be anything unless she is constantly “going”.   As women I think we often get stuck in this “Superwoman complex” as I call it. 

The Superwoman complex is the idea that we can do anything and be everything all at the same time.  We develop this thought that taking time for ourselves is selfish and unnecessary.  That we better excel in every single class we take and keep up those GPA’s.  That we need to be involved in every single organization and we better be in a leadership position for at least two or we will never be hired in the future.   If a friend is having a rough day, we better be ready with a tissue and words of wisdom.  Remember to call our parents, our grandparents.  Turn in our application for the honor society.  Get a job so we can pay our student bills.  Be charming, put together, and know how to work a pair of heels.  Be loving and womanly and kind and attentive.  But careful, if it’s a guy make sure you’re not too attentive because that’s clingy…oh, and limit your emotions.   And in the middle of all this, we would hate to miss out on anything so we say yes when asked to social events even though we have approximately zero time.  Because we are Superwoman and we should be able to function on two hours of sleep and still run the world the next day.  The Superwoman Complex.

            But here’s the thing, it’s not healthy for us to try and be Superwoman.  Yes having goals, aspirations and being involved is a great thing to strive for, but when are we going to draw the line?  When are we, as women, going to start waking up and realizing that it’s okay to take fifteen minutes, an hour, a day to ourselves?  That we are human, and being human means that we have imperfections and limits.  That even though we may feel like we have to be on a continuous sprint just to keep up with the world, that we are enough.  Put all that effort you use trying to be “enough” into just being yourself.  Because what is beautiful and amazing and mind-boggling is that there is only one you in this entire world.  On this planet there is only one you with your combination of talents, dreams, and fears and you bring something uniquely “you” to this world that another person does not and cannot.  You are human and being completely and unapologetically yourself is one of the most awe-inspiring things you can be.  You don’t have to be “everything”, because the world already has Superwoman. All it needs now is for you to be you.

Oops, you're a freshman again

Your senior year is almost finished and if senioritis hasn’t hit you yet – you’re probably not human.  So, in efforts to help you all procrastinate a little bit more, I enlisted the help of my roomies and typed up a few bullet points of wisdom for your first year of college.  You’re almost there!

What I have learned from my freshman year of college…

1)   You’re going to meet a lot of new & interesting people.  The key to college is keeping an open mind.  Know what you value, what your morals are, and what you want out of your life - but DON’T let your own preconceived notions hold you back from meeting people.  Some of these people may live a lifestyle you completely disagree with, and that’s okay. Ditch the judgment and you’ll meet a much wider array of people.  (Disclaimer: this does not mean you have to be “besties” with them or agree with them, it just means you respect them and have an open mind.)

2)   TAKE NAPS.

3)   People are not going to understand all of your small-town quirks.  They aren’t going to know that you grew up with people who thought it was funny to make comments like, “Since I asked” or “That’s what she said”.  They won’t understand that because you grew up in a small town, you might still worry about some decisions you make.  Because where you grew up literally everyone knows everything about every single person who lives there: they know what sports you played, who you “dated” in 8^th grade, and that one time you got caught on Friday night.  THEY WILL NOT UNDERSTAND THIS CONCEPT.  The good news, though, is that while your hometown may still be keeping tabs on you and speculating if college has changed you into a hipster who wears weird glasses - most people in college really don’t care.  They’re in the same boat as you are; you’re all just trying to find your own way.  So be yourself, and stop worrying about all the other opinions.

4)   Three words: Home-cooked meals.  I don’t want to hear a single complaint about what your mom made for dinner…EVER AGAIN.  You’ll be begging her to make your LEAST favorite meal if it means you don’t have to eat at the dining hall.

5)   DO NOT RUSH YOUR SENIOR YEAR.  Believe me, your college experience will come soon enough.  And when it does, you’re going to regret those 15 nights you thought it was so much fun to sleep over with your college friend in her dorm room.  Two months into your freshman year you’ll be questioning why the heck you wanted to sleep in a dorm room.  Now, I’m not saying don’t visit, because your college friends get lonely and want to see you.  I’m just saying that after a few times, please, please, pleassseee, enjoy the fact that you are still living at home.  It’s only for a few more months, and you’re going to miss it SO much. I’m only speaking from experience, and even though senioritis is hitting you hard, and you don’t think college will ever get here.  It will.  And you’re senior year & summer will be gone.  Soak it in, slow down, and stop rushing.  

6)   WEARING YOUR LANYARD AROUND YOUR NECK IS NOT COOL!!!! THAT IS ALL…

7)   …Neither is wearing your high school t-shirts.  Especially if they say things like “Bow Down & Obey: Seniors 2013”.  Please add them to your pajama pile.

8)   Don’t even try to act like you know what you’re doing or where you are going.  Especially the first week of class.  Literally everyone is wondering around trying to find where the heck their “Intro to Jazz” class is.  Also, the “I’m sorry, I’m a freshman” excuse comes in handy.  Use it to your advantage.  (Tip: Find where your classes are BEFORE the first day.  If you don’t have time, find them on a map, and then download the campus app onto your phone.  Much better than carrying that map around with you.)

9)   Get real comfortable with being in awkward situations.  Literally the majority of your first semester/year is just a long, drawn out awkward moment.  It’s a blast.

10) Push yourself out of your comfort zone.  So what you don’t know anyone else who is going?  Go by yourself, audition by yourself, go to the meeting by yourself.  A lot of the times if you want to do something you just have to go, whether you have a friend going with you or not.  A lot of really great moments and friendships can be made when you just try something new.

11) Let yourself have alone time. While at first nightly sleepovers with your roomie sound like a blast, you’re going to get real tired.  And probably grouchy.  Which will then lead to you snapping at someone and then it just spirals down from there.  Make time to be by yourself.  Even if that means you walk to Panera and study for a few hours alone.  I guarantee you won’t regret it.

12) Call your parents and tell them you love them every once in awhile.  They’re probably missing you.

13) Break out of your high school friend group.  Don’t ditch them, but don’t limit yourself.  Go out, meet new people, make new friends.  That being said, if your high school friendships are something you value, don’t forget about them in the excitement of starting college.  My high school friends and I were lucky enough to find a balance between meeting new people but still being there for each other.  (P.S. Don’t get all weird and clingy if your high school friends are making new friends.  They have a right to meet new people too.)

14) Keep an open mind about your old friends, people change, and that’s okay. 

15) People might hurt you, and forgiving them might be hard, but a small argument isn’t worth losing a friend over.  That being said, college is also a great time for you to figure out who really loves you for you.  Some people are simply not healthy for you.

16) One bad grade isn’t the end of the world, BUT too many bad grades may get you pretty close.

17) Go to class. You may get bonus points. You may even get your teacher to write you a kick-butt recommendation ‘cause you dragged yourself to class every MWF at 9:30.

18) Schedule your classes for your personal preference.  If you don’t get up and get moving unless you have something you’re required to attend, schedule your classes for the morning.  Otherwise I guarantee you will lie in bed until early afternoon getting nothing accomplished.  However, if you are physically unable to function in the morning and love staying up and studying until three, four, five in the morning, do that. 

19) Learn how to manage your time NOW.  I once heard it described as high school is a sprint, and college is a marathon.  Accurate description.  You will not go a single week without having an assignment, test, or project due at some point in time.  And unlike high school, these all have to be done on your own time.  Find somewhere where you can concentrate, buckle down, and get stuff done.

20) You will have projects/papers/tests to study for that you should start working on weeks ahead of time…then there will be ones you can finish in a few hours.  Be able to figure out which is which.

21) College is not high school.  It’s difficult in a whole new way.  You probably won’t have as many extracurricular events, but the course work will fill up that extra time.  While you may start thinking dropping out sounds like a really good idea, power through.  You can do it.  (P.S. Give yourself time to adjust, but then make sure you do join some groups on your campus.  You still need them for your resume, and it’s a great way to meet people.)

22) 8:30 class. Don’t.

23) Hey girls, these are not the guys you grew up with.  Please be aware that not all guys are nice guys.  Also, just so you know, you are beautiful and valuable, and don't think any less of yourself.  That being said, there are a lot of fabulous, respectful men at college - be friends with them instead. :)

24) HAVE FUN!  Looking back on my first year, I don’t remember the nights I stayed in my room and studied; I remember the nights we decided to see a movie at midnight or made a trip to Yogurtini.  Be silly, that’s what these years are for.

Baby Steps

Gold Medals, no medals, triumphs, and disasters, the Olympics are always full of entertainment and inspiration.  Growing up, my mother was an Olympic junkie, a gene that definitely transferred to me.  As the games begin to slide into their second half, I always feel a bit depressed when they come to an end.  Why?  Not only because my favorite athletic event is no longer available, but also because I love watching the athletes chase their dreams.  I love seeing the culmination of all their hard work put on stage for the world, and if it doesn’t go the way they hoped, their determination to finish the race or get back up again has always amazed me.  But my absolute favorite part about the games, is realizing that all of those athletes were once beginners.

I’m going to go ahead and make the assumption that not one of those athletes stepped onto the ice, slope, etc and was perfect right away.  Gracie Gold didn’t land her triple lutz-triple toe on her first try, and I’m guessing Shaun White didn’t start shredding the half-pipe right away either.  No, they had to start small and work hard for it.  I once heard a quote that went along the lines of, “Even if it a little step, make sure you take it.”  As you watch the end of these Olympics and feel yourself become inspired and motivated, take a hint from the athletes you are watching.  You can become great and conquer your dreams, but you’re going to have to start with baby steps.  Maybe that’s signing up for voice lessons, or going to that club meeting you’ve always been too afraid to join.  Yes, pushing yourself out of your comfort zone is scary, but that vulnerability is what leads to greatness.  And as you pursue your dreams, do not be discouraged by failure.  Nothing is ever perfect on the first try.  Stand back up, try again, and let your failure motivate you to be better the next time.  Whatever you do, don’t let yourself get stuck on that first step. 

Whether its fear, insecurity, or maybe just lack of time, be strong enough to put all those worries aside.  Because no one ever conquered their dreams with their everyday routine, and no one was ever “great” on their first attempt.  You have the ability to own the world stage like an Olympian, you just have to find the courage to believe in yourself and do it.

***Article used for correct ice-skating terms - http://www.boston2014.com/featured-skater-gracie-gold/

***This article was also printed in The Odyssey - the Greek newspaper.  If you want to read more articles by myself and other Odyssey writers, head on over to http://theodysseyonline.com/

Leggings: How to Earn an A+ in Class

  Any class that’s before noon basically demands comfort wear, but you also don’t want to come off as lazy because – let’s face it – you never know when you’re going to need that particular professor’s recommendation.  Luckily, we’ve been blessed with what some may consider a direct gift from God…leggings.

Now ladies, leggings can either go very right, or very wrong.  Here are a few ways to make sure you show up to class looking classy yet comfortable.

1)   Make the investment in a good pair of basic, black leggings.  And by good, I mean quality.  Personally, my CAbi leggings are my go-to choice.  They’re thicker than the usual $10 bargain pair (and consequently, warmer!), structured, comfortable, and have fun zipper accents at the ankle.  Perfect!

2)   When in doubt, chambray it out.  But really, you can never go wrong when combining a great pair of leggings and a chambray shirt.  You just can’t.  Make sure it’s a flattering cut so you still have some shape when rocking this subtle menswear style.

3)   Oversized cardigans and sweaters are in and hopefully will be for a while…or at least until we’re done with college!  An oversized top is a perfect combination with curve-hugging leggings.

4)   Work that flannel.  You know your favorite band t-shirt hanging in the back of your closet?  Grab that and throw on your favorite flannel shirt overtop.  Leave the flannel unbuttoned for a sweet yet edgy look. (P.S. Don’t have time to change before going out?  A statement necklace can dress up almost any outfit.)

5)   Now, the shoe choice.  If you can sacrifice the comfort for class, I would leave the Uggs in the closet.  Before you come at me with pitchforks and run me out of town, let me explain.  Uggs are a fabulous shoe creation, however they also tend to bring your ensemble down to a more casual level, and there are so many other fabulous options!  Let me introduce you to the riding boot.  Relatively same comfort level, but with a more put together vibe.  Not into that?  Moto boots & combats look adorable as well.

6)   Finally, the accessories. If you’re still feeling drab about your ensemble, now is the time to spice it up with patterns, prints, and color.  Choose accessories with bold prints and fun hues – just make sure they are all in the same color family as your base pieces.  Beanies, scarves, and long cardigans are all key players in the accessories game.  Lastly, if you’re feeling adventurous and your socks are cute, pull them up so they peek out from the top of your boot.   Cute, comfortable and classy?…check!

7)   Bonus Points!  Want to make sure you always look put-together while wearing leggings?  I recommend wearing tops long enough to cover at least half of your backside.  Now, I know that we all love what a good pair of leggings can do, but keeping your tush covered ensures that your outfit will look put together and respectable.  Not only that, but you don’t have to worry about how many times you skipped the gym last week.  It’s a win-win situation.  Leggings are already baring the majority of your leg, covering up your back-half will only enhance your ensemble.  Besides, oversized is in right now, you’re only being fashionable.

   

So don’t stress while buying that twelfth pair of leggings, with so many simple ways to dress them up, they’re definitely your most cost-effect and cozy purchase.

***As many of you probably already know, I also write for the Greek newspaper on my campus.  Every once in a while I may post some of the articles I write for them on here as well.  If you want to check out their new, updated website go to - http://theodysseyonline.com/  Apologies if the repetition bothers you. :)  Happy reading! 

And the award for most annoying goes to…

  …the people who feel the need to chime in with their opinion on your life, talents, and dreams.  The ones who say, “Really?  You’re not going to make any money doing that!”  “The odds of that happening are slim.”  “That’s going to be really difficult!”  I’m sorry, but did I ask for your opinion? No? Hmmm…interesting.

In fact, some of my favorite decisions have been the ones that people said I couldn’t or shouldn’t be making.  “That would require too much work…you haven’t ever played that sport before…you’re going to miss out”.  And yes, the decisions I made did require extra work, I did miss out on some “normal” events, but the result was so worth it.  I developed a confidence in myself – I can pick up a tennis racket and become a decent player without any previous experience. (Or learn anything new if I put my mind to it for that matter!)  I learned that in order to grow, you have to force yourself outside of your comfort zone – even if that means attending audition after audition and letting strangers evaluate your voice (which, for the record, is one of the scariest things in the world!!!)  I learned that while at first your choices might seem crazy, silly, and stressful – they are the decisions that will ultimately be the most rewarding.

My advice when dealing with these types of people - and I need to do this myself - is to ignore them.  The only reason they are telling you that you can’t achieve something, or that something is too risky, is because personally they’re too afraid to try.  Or if you go and accomplish and conquer your dream, they are going to feel like you’re now better than them.  (And no, you’re accomplishments do not make you any better.  Let’s not get arrogant, friends.)

So…take the plunge!  Go for it!  And if you fail miserably, at least you can stand proudly and say you tried.  Whereas the rest of the negative committee will still be sitting in their comfort bubble carrying out mediocre daily activities.  Refuse to let their insecurities and safety nets become your own.  Smile politely, say “thanks for your input” – if you’re feeling extra generous - and then move on with your life.  Grab the aerosol and spray their reeking, negative fumes away. 

Problem solved.

Reacting to Rejection

Have you ever had a “this is it” moment?  A moment that was what you were made for, destined for, what your life has been leading you towards.  Your hopes and dreams rested in this one event.  This is where God wanted you; this is how He’s going to use you.  And you go into this event optimistic and ready to conquer the world…

And you get told no…”You’re not what we’re looking for.”  “I’m sorry it’s a no from us.” “This is the end of the road.”

And at first it doesn’t quite hit you.  You smile, nod your head, say “thank you” politely and walk away.  As the eyes watch you leave you’re holding your head high, you’re still breathing, and pretending to be confident.  The walls you’ve built around your heart are waging a war against the news.  The front line armed and ready to beat down the rejection.  But no matter how many reinforcements are sent to the battle, the wave hits you as soon as you’re alone.  Unfortunately, your defenses are no match for a tsunami.  Suddenly you’re questioning if your heart is going to keep beating as it’s engulfed and flooded.

 A series of emotions race along with the flood.  Denial, Grief, Acceptance, Anger.

I don’t know what your experiences have been, but the intensity of my anger coursed through my veins.  I internally screamed at God, asking him why I had been told no when I thought this is where He wanted me.  Why had He rejected me from my dreams…again.  Especially when I had prayed about it.  Didn’t He know this is what I wanted?  How did He miss that?  For a second, I questioned if it was worth it.  For a minute I questioned whether I should just take my life back into my own hands since God wasn’t following my plan.  And if He wasn’t going to make my life look like what I wanted, then I wasn’t interested.  I figured I could do it better myself.

Luckily, I had a lot of people around me that were a lot more level-headed at the time, reminding me that God actually did have a plan for me.  He, unlike me, knew exactly what He was doing with my life.  And no, He hadn’t forgotten about me, even if I felt like He had slammed the door in my face.  Secondly, who was I to think that my plans would be better than God’s?  Really?!  Did I really believe that?  Did I really think that I could do life without God’s guidance when I could barely decide what I wanted for breakfast?  No…I couldn’t.  I needed him for everything.  Especially for strength to gather myself back up and say “Okay God, I’m still breathing and alive so you must still be working with me.  You’re not done with me yet.”

So while I’m not really sure where He’s leading me at the moment, thankfully I have people in my life who remind me that I can’t do it without Him.  And I suppose, if we aren’t seeing another door open, maybe it’s time to spend a little time re-evaluating in the hallway.

 

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.  “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.” Isaiah 55:8