Reacting to Rejection

Have you ever had a “this is it” moment?  A moment that was what you were made for, destined for, what your life has been leading you towards.  Your hopes and dreams rested in this one event.  This is where God wanted you; this is how He’s going to use you.  And you go into this event optimistic and ready to conquer the world…

And you get told no…”You’re not what we’re looking for.”  “I’m sorry it’s a no from us.” “This is the end of the road.”

And at first it doesn’t quite hit you.  You smile, nod your head, say “thank you” politely and walk away.  As the eyes watch you leave you’re holding your head high, you’re still breathing, and pretending to be confident.  The walls you’ve built around your heart are waging a war against the news.  The front line armed and ready to beat down the rejection.  But no matter how many reinforcements are sent to the battle, the wave hits you as soon as you’re alone.  Unfortunately, your defenses are no match for a tsunami.  Suddenly you’re questioning if your heart is going to keep beating as it’s engulfed and flooded.

 A series of emotions race along with the flood.  Denial, Grief, Acceptance, Anger.

I don’t know what your experiences have been, but the intensity of my anger coursed through my veins.  I internally screamed at God, asking him why I had been told no when I thought this is where He wanted me.  Why had He rejected me from my dreams…again.  Especially when I had prayed about it.  Didn’t He know this is what I wanted?  How did He miss that?  For a second, I questioned if it was worth it.  For a minute I questioned whether I should just take my life back into my own hands since God wasn’t following my plan.  And if He wasn’t going to make my life look like what I wanted, then I wasn’t interested.  I figured I could do it better myself.

Luckily, I had a lot of people around me that were a lot more level-headed at the time, reminding me that God actually did have a plan for me.  He, unlike me, knew exactly what He was doing with my life.  And no, He hadn’t forgotten about me, even if I felt like He had slammed the door in my face.  Secondly, who was I to think that my plans would be better than God’s?  Really?!  Did I really believe that?  Did I really think that I could do life without God’s guidance when I could barely decide what I wanted for breakfast?  No…I couldn’t.  I needed him for everything.  Especially for strength to gather myself back up and say “Okay God, I’m still breathing and alive so you must still be working with me.  You’re not done with me yet.”

So while I’m not really sure where He’s leading me at the moment, thankfully I have people in my life who remind me that I can’t do it without Him.  And I suppose, if we aren’t seeing another door open, maybe it’s time to spend a little time re-evaluating in the hallway.

 

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.  “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.” Isaiah 55:8

Prom...let's think about this practically.

***As the prom season rolls around I felt the need to suggest some practicality.  I don’t expect you to agree with me, however, these things need to be said.

Sophomore Year...AKA the blue, beautiful, & borrowed dress.

I bought 2 of my 3 prom dresses at Dillard’s. 

Yes, a department store.  And my third?  I borrowed from - get this - a girl who went to my high school AND had worn it for her Junior prom.

Gasp!  A department store?  Borrowing a dress from someone in your high school?  The HORROR! That poor girl…

Now that we got that out of our system, let’s set some stuff straight.  At the time, I was not excited that my mother insisted we at least look at a department store for my prom dress.  I was actually really angry with her.  Didn’t she know people don’t buy their dresses at a department store?  We have to go to a boutique to buy a prom dress!  But, looking back I am oh-so-glad that she forced a heavy dose of reality down my throat.

Think about the logistics of this prom dress.  You’re going to wear this dress for one night.  Probably for about nine hours, give or take a bit.  While wearing this said dress you are going to be hugging your friends and taking pictures, and in the process of this someone’s jewelry is going to get caught and you probably won’t make it through the night without at least two snags.  Also, you will be dancing. I hate to break it to you, but if you opted for a long dress it’s going to get stepped on and possibly ripped.  Sorry, but it will.  If you’re school has a dinner or allows punch during prom night, you definitely run the risk of spilling down your front as well.  At least if you’re me, that will happen.

Junior Year.  Dillard's dress #1.

But for some reason, year after year we insist on dropping hundreds of dollars for our dress, sometimes over half a grand.  On a dress you’re wearing for one night. I don’t blame you if you’ve done this – not at all – it’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of prom.  At one point I thought spending hundreds on a dress was normal. However, now that I’m out of high school and looking back, I realize how completely ridiculous this is.  I spent $100 on my senior year prom dress.  In general that is significantly less than the average cost of a dress. (At least in my hometown.)  There are so many better options for that money than a dress that’s going to end up snagged, ripped, stained, and in the back of your closet.  In college, that money could pay for your parking permit, or at least most of it.  It could pay for your Biology textbook.  It could go towards your spring break road-trip with your new college friends.  Better yet, $400 could sponsor a child for almost a year that actually needs the money to survive.  (Don’t believe me? Check this out, http://www.worldvision.org/m/sponsor-a-child/?campaign=1193519&gclid=COix3PCm7bsCFSISMwod0nYACQ ) Unfortunately, you spent it on a dress. 

Second, put the pride aside.  If your friends are bragging about who spent the most money on their prom dress, realize that they are probably just insecure.  Or incredibly unaware of how ridiculous that is.  Or completely vain and self-centered.  I, personally, would much rather have friends who brag about what they found on the clearance rack.  And who cares if you borrow a dress? Do it!  If someone does notice, and does care, point out that you will have $400 more than they do to take that road trip.   You’re being the smart one here.  Don’t forget that.

Senior Year.  Dillard's dress #2.

Prom is fun, and you should enjoy it.  I have many fabulous memories from the proms I attended.  However, it has gotten out of control.  And not all of this is the student’s fault, in fact it often stems from the parents.  There are too many parents trying to top the others by buying their daughters ridiculously overpriced, designer dresses.  Too much emphasis put on buying the dress from the “right” store.  Too much pride in refusing to wear a used dress.  (Please, get over it! It’s really the most cost-effective, practical, and smart thing to do. You too, parents!)   

Believe me, you’ll thank me when you can afford the parking permit, go on a spring break trip, or put the money towards your wedding dress later on.

* For the record, my mother did let me look at boutiques for my dress.  I was the one who decided on the dresses from Dillard’s.  Love ya, Mom! :)

Wrapped Up in Times New Roman

Starting this blog was definitely not something I just picked up and decided to do.  To be honest, I’ve been toying with the idea for probably a year now.  But every time I would think about starting it, something would stop me.  My insecurities – who cares what I have to say anyway?  My own fear – what if no one likes what I write?  My lack of confidence – what if I make unforgivable grammatical errors?  (Yes, I worry about making grammatical mistakes.  And yes, they’re going to happen. Apologies in advance.)  While I had a plethora of other excuses it all boiled down to one fact…

That to write is to be vulnerable.  Every blog post, poem, or story that is written has a part of the writer attached.  It’s like slicing out a tiny piece of our heart, wrapping it in ink, paper, and Times New Roman, and then sending it out into the world.  And as we are handing that piece of paper to the editor, or pressing the “publish” button on the Internet, all we can do is hope and pray that others won’t tear our work apart.  Because our writing is the only way that a stranger will be able to peer inside the walls and guards that we’ve placed and see us for who we really are.  To see what makes us tick, what makes us cry, what makes us giggle like a five-year old on Christmas morning.  Frankly, we lay our emotions, dreams, and ourselves bare; out for the world to critique.  Our writing is part of us, and reading it is one of the most intimate ways you will ever get to know us as human beings.

So, while you’re reading, feel free to comment, to share, to critique.  But realize that before we hit “post”, we probably had to take five deep breaths.  We probably read over our work twenty plus times and obsessively scanned for errors.  We probably pleaded our closest friends to “pretty please look for mistakes".  So be kind.   We’re just as scared as the rest of the world.

***The photo is a pin on my Pinterest account.  I do not know who originally took the picture/made the caption.

What's It Going to Be?

So, after my Wi-Fi finished throwing a fit for the past 48 hours I was finally able to log back on and check the status of my first blog entry.  207 views!!!  I was beyond excited to see those numbers.  Thank you so much for taking the time to read my first entry!  That being said, I hope you continue to read from time to time as I write more posts.  Before that happens, there are a few things about me, and this blog, that I want to mention.

1)   I love creative writing.  I would rather have my words flow, and my sentence structure sound like the real me, than to obsess over minor grammatical details.  And also, I’m terrible with commas.  So bear with me.  I may forget a comma; I might misuse a semicolon, or use fragments.  Let’s just roll with it. :)

2)   I love fashion and clothing, so this may turn into a mini fashion blog.  Who knows!  We will see how this goes and what I feel like posting on a day-to-day, week-to-week basis! 

3)   I’m addicted to pinning inspirational quotes on Pinterest, so those may pop up on here as well.

4)   A lot of what I will be posting will be my opinions, my thoughts, and my feelings about various topics.  That being said, I definitely do not expect everyone to agree with me.  How boring would that be if we all thought and felt the same way?!  So, if we happen to disagree, let’s just agree to respect each other’s viewpoints and be thankful that God made each of us unique!

5)   Feel free to comment and send me your thoughts!  I may not reply to all of them but I will definitely take the time to read them!

Once again, thank you so much for reading my blog!  I hope you continue to enjoy my posts.  Have a fabulous Sunday! :)

I swear I lived

My number one fear is being ordinary.  Why?  I couldn’t tell you.

But lately I’ve had a fear of being an ordinary human being, someone who lives and dies and does ordinary and expected things.  Someone who does what the world considers safe and practical.  The girl who goes to college, majors in something practical that promises job security, has an ordinary job, and settles down with her nice, ordinary family.  Now don’t get me wrong, for some people that scenario is perfect.  And if that is your dream, you go for it.  But for me, that scenario causes nothing but a rush of anxiety.

I crave and desire to see the world; to pop the ordinary bubble and hop in a car with a few good friends and drive from one coast to the other, stopping at hole-in-the-wall café’s in towns of 300 people.  I dream of buying a plane ticket and flying to a different continent; simply because I can.  I want to immerse myself in another culture, learn their customs, and do this as many times as I can.  Maybe I’ll volunteer with a non-profit organization and help and hug the people in need.  And when I run out of money from my world exploration I want to live in a flat with my best friends and struggle along month by month on the pay of barista.  Because who doesn’t want to make over-priced coffee drinks for a living?  In the meantime, when I’m not roasting & brewing dark roast coffee, I’ll be singing.  Playing in my coffee shop, and other shops around the city; me, my piano, and I.  I’ll hold onto the dream of being a singer and will fight society’s pull to pursue a more realistic goal.  Like an office job.  With a desk.  And a cubicle.  Please…no.

But at the same time, I can feel my practicality fighting with my heart.  Telling me to take the safe road, to have a plan and know where I’m going to be in five years.  It’s an everyday battle.  Dreams versus Security.  So everyday I have to remind myself that it’s okay.  It’s okay to not know where I’m going to be in five years, it’s okay to not want to rush towards marriage and a family, and it’s okay to be a little bit selfish with your youth.  Why?  Because fabulous things happen to those who take risks.  There is a beauty in being a little bit eccentric, a little bit on the whimsical side.  So everyday, I take another small step towards my goals and dreams.  Everyday I take a few more steps toward extraordinary.