Reacting to Rejection

Have you ever had a “this is it” moment?  A moment that was what you were made for, destined for, what your life has been leading you towards.  Your hopes and dreams rested in this one event.  This is where God wanted you; this is how He’s going to use you.  And you go into this event optimistic and ready to conquer the world…

And you get told no…”You’re not what we’re looking for.”  “I’m sorry it’s a no from us.” “This is the end of the road.”

And at first it doesn’t quite hit you.  You smile, nod your head, say “thank you” politely and walk away.  As the eyes watch you leave you’re holding your head high, you’re still breathing, and pretending to be confident.  The walls you’ve built around your heart are waging a war against the news.  The front line armed and ready to beat down the rejection.  But no matter how many reinforcements are sent to the battle, the wave hits you as soon as you’re alone.  Unfortunately, your defenses are no match for a tsunami.  Suddenly you’re questioning if your heart is going to keep beating as it’s engulfed and flooded.

 A series of emotions race along with the flood.  Denial, Grief, Acceptance, Anger.

I don’t know what your experiences have been, but the intensity of my anger coursed through my veins.  I internally screamed at God, asking him why I had been told no when I thought this is where He wanted me.  Why had He rejected me from my dreams…again.  Especially when I had prayed about it.  Didn’t He know this is what I wanted?  How did He miss that?  For a second, I questioned if it was worth it.  For a minute I questioned whether I should just take my life back into my own hands since God wasn’t following my plan.  And if He wasn’t going to make my life look like what I wanted, then I wasn’t interested.  I figured I could do it better myself.

Luckily, I had a lot of people around me that were a lot more level-headed at the time, reminding me that God actually did have a plan for me.  He, unlike me, knew exactly what He was doing with my life.  And no, He hadn’t forgotten about me, even if I felt like He had slammed the door in my face.  Secondly, who was I to think that my plans would be better than God’s?  Really?!  Did I really believe that?  Did I really think that I could do life without God’s guidance when I could barely decide what I wanted for breakfast?  No…I couldn’t.  I needed him for everything.  Especially for strength to gather myself back up and say “Okay God, I’m still breathing and alive so you must still be working with me.  You’re not done with me yet.”

So while I’m not really sure where He’s leading me at the moment, thankfully I have people in my life who remind me that I can’t do it without Him.  And I suppose, if we aren’t seeing another door open, maybe it’s time to spend a little time re-evaluating in the hallway.

 

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.  “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.” Isaiah 55:8